we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
