I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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