she was so not down for the gang bang
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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