brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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