She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
