I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
