I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
