this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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