dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
