i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
