At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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