I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
