I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
