I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
