My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
