I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
