New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
