just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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