Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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