Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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