That's intense
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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