Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
