i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
