I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
