clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
