i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I need a burrito and a hug.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
