I will die if light touches me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
