I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
