Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
