I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
