just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
