The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
