i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We're too hungover to prance.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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