Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
