I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
