no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
