Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
