Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ketchup is God's man juice
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
