either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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