I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
