I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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