how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
