it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
