what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
