I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
