FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
