i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
