so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
