1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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