Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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