if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
